Day 19

This is what He made the cold for

murmuring voices

scorching toes

conversation boils over

whistling water

and the moon sliver is bright tonight

we can see the city lights

Day 18

The night of the 26th I was on telemark skiing specialization. I spent the day praying for strength as I lead my team by compass up a ridge line, switchbacking as the sun lowered into the night.

As I finally settled into my sleeping bag, I wrote this down:

Father, you've strengthened me

given me more than I should receive

to see the sun on a

mountain in january

to be warm for a long night.

LIFE

Loss of time is the norm here and I haven't been able to make something EVERY day anymore. In ways I definitely do things that are focused on God, but it becomes impossible to write anything down when your ink freezes and you are shivering in a snow bank trying to rest before summiting a mountain on skis. But after all those excuses, I am not even sure they need to be said. It is comforting to know that God is filled with Grace and my shortcomings don't hinder his power. I am looking forward to experiencing his grace this year, as I am sure I will not always live up to my own expectations.

While I didn't make anything intentionally for glorifying to the Lord today, it is more exciting to feel Christ TANGIBLY changing my desires and intent.

Today I spent the day making all sorts of paninis for an indoor picnic lunch we put on for the camp. It took all of our day up to make pies and grilled philly cheese steak sandwiches, but I can't believe I ever had other intentions, like resting or reading. Small things give me rest now, like receiving letters from loved ones, and resting in the scriptures. I'm starting to see how beautiful community can be.

Tonight me and my dear friend Kelly had ten minutes to make a birthday cake. There were three birthdays happening today but no one had planned to make a cake. Since we'd had pie at lunch, the cooks figured they'd leave out dessert for supper. As we were setting up tables, one of the birthday boys turned to me and said, "I'm so excited for birthday cake tonight". I quickly found Kelly and told her we had to do something fast. There was ten minuted until dinner was starting and we ran to our rooms, she was yelling " I have a cake mix!". A friend had given her a box of vanilla flavoured things, and so we were able to whip up a cake that was ready right as dinner was ending. The birthday cake was a success, and I felt that Jesus was so present in enabling us to give that gift.

Life is so full.

Day 17

Day 16

Last night we held a staff appreciation night. I was really proud of all the work our team did to pull off this night. In between our sparse days off I put together a going away video, our team made invitations and then we spent all day making desserts. The night was so enjoyable and we were able to honour all the staff for their hard work.

Day 15

Ecclesiastes: What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest.

Day 12

One night my pen died, so I etched a face in my notebook and uncovered it with pencil the next day:

Day 14

I was lying in a tent, freezing after a day of backcountry skiing. I couldn't find my pencil, so i wrote a haiku in my mind:

Symptoms of Frost Bite

frost nip under skin

ice crystals sparkle and dim

flushed red hands turn white

Day 13

Friday the 20th:

Oh my Lord God

it's easy to forget

you meant for us to

rest in you

Oh my Lord God

we've made it up the slope

we've seen the fog

rise up from the valley

Oh my Lord God

thank you for the truth

remind us of the hope

every morning we're born new

Oh my Lord God

Your Spirit's in our hearts

and Your Son is in our hands.

Day 11

Icicle

I learned to stop thanking the trees.

When you're trying to survive

in snow banks and blizzard

every move matters

if you don't drink enough you'll shiver

if you drink too much you won't sleep

if your boots are too tight

blood won't reach your feet

if you work too hard

sweat will run and if you pause it'll freeze

every move matters

when you're laying boughs

trying to light sap in the ice

and at night you can't breathe

so you lie there wrestling

morning can't come soon enough

but somehow all of this reminds me

of future with You

it's easy to be thankful when we're

cold, but alive.

Day 10

A story:

stripped from: watch, blanket and book

create shelter in blizzard

thanking God for pine boughs

practice the presence of god

memorize this.

Day 9

There are so many ways to

survive in snow

you might life easy

snares, heat traps and

shelter

we can catch anything in our hands.

Day 8

Sunday the 15th

Stream of Consciousness:

You have blessed me

and by blessed I mean you've pulled me up out of

white water

away from drowning-temptation

pulled me up on the shores of disaster

rested my feet on the rough rocks of reason.

You have shown me

and by shown I mean you've held my eyes open

so I could see truth undeniably clear and

thrown me into the valley where

"mountains meet river and wild horses wintered"

everything you've ever said is proof

the words you used aren't light

entering life takes guts

it isn't something that can be done

over night, or easily

so get ready to be uncomfortable

and like allen ginsberg in benarts

feeding a monkey on the roof of his house,

feel free to live generously

and see life in startling colour

it will include conversations about the

fourth dimension, hypercubes and cures for

depression, but eventually you'll rest at the sight

of bright trees like orange pollen crowded at the base of

mountains.

The lost day 5

Thinking about Job's shaved head:

Have you considered my servant Job?

Day 7

When I am lost

lead me

If I am tired

let me rest in you

When I am lonesome

give me truth.

Day 6

Last night, I slept in a 'Quinzhee'. They are like igloos, kind of. You pile snow, pack it, then dig out a platform inside above your tunnel door inside, so you are insulated from the winds. It is an amazing experience to be warmed by the substance that is making you cold. While I was trying to sleep in my quinzhee, I drew a small rendition of it, and then wrote a small prayer. It can be a nervous experience at first, trusting that the small home you've built is going to withstand the night. In the end I had a very good sleep, and I can't wait to go back.

Keep my heart certain

Keep my aim faithful

and keep the snow from collapse

There is no fear in love.

Day 5

Looking through my files, I can't find what I made on this day. I'm sure I wrote a poem or something, but apparently I forgot.

The internet here in Montana is unreliable. Sometimes it works and other times it does not. I can't always post daily. Plus, we are going to be up at Seigel Pass living in snow, many times this semester. My posts may become sporadic.

Day 4

May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept all your burnt offerings

May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

Psalm 20:3-4

Day 3

Demi-Glosa : This is a variation of a "Glosa". In the Demi-Glosa the first couplet is taken from another poem, these lines will form the last lines of each stanza. Italics will indicate the line's borrowedness. These lines are borrowed from Psalm 18.

The cords of death entangled me;

the torrents of destruction

overwhelmed me

Watching a rosehip bleed-

it shouldn't grieve me

I'm not a monster

I never was.

But it's hard to grasp the nature

of his loving chokehold;

strength like ivory.

To shut out agony

that shadow place where

the cords of death entangled me;

I've seen the ocean's wrath

I was fifteen when it almost

held me

under it's dark feathered wing

I prayed to poseidon but he didn't

help me

the torrents of destruction

overwhelmed me.

Day 2

"May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil" Psalm 141: 2-4

Day 1

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come"

Montana

Arrived back in Plains, MT.

It is incredible to be part of a positive community. I know it sounds simple, but the difference is drastic. You can't help but want to seek truth and life.

There is so much beauty in simplicity. The people here are less jaded, there is no urban cynicism. Life is directed - conducted like an orchestra, and the grandeur of it all is able to change people. Chaos can seem liberating, but it is usually deceitful. Chaos is rowdy and crowded. There is no room to think and we are swayed by the currents of those with loud voices. It is hard to stand firm in one spot. We lose sight quickly. The crowd dominates and we forget everything we once stood for. But in structure, there is so much liberty. There are clean lines drawn, so you can see whether or not it lines up with the truth you believe in. Your life is compelled towards God because the days stretch out long. There is so much to find in this place and I want to take advantage of my situation. In structure there is vision, and in vision there are possibilities for change.

And so I have a few simple goals. I want to learn spiritual discipline. I want to devote time everyday in creation, trying to learn more about the creator of this confusing universe. If possible I will post it here, just to have some sort of accountability.

"The son is the image of an invisible God, the first born over all creation. For in him all things were created: things on heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, rank after rank of angels, all things have been created throughout him and for him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment." Colossians 1 : 15-17